i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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