:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
