just tell him i said nine months
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize