Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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