just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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