ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
