Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
