You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
