i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize