Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
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