on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
