btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
