I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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