FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
