i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
