you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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