I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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