Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
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