Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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