if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
