dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
