Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
