At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
