I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
