Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
