my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
