We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
