Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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