Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
