Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
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