smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I look better un-naked...
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
