I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
