Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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