My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
My breasts were aching with rage.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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