dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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