It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize