I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
