So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
