Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
