someone get that fucking seahorse.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
