Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Bring me that man meat
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
