Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
