I never want to see another naked old woman again.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
