I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
