Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
