the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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