I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
