In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
