i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize