Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
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