My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
