A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Pants are for mortals
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
