I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm having to shit out rocks
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