She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
