Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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