I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
