My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
