I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
