i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
