I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
