He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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