i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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