he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Randomize
