Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
