if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
