The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
