And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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