is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I don't deserve a penis
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
