Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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