i jhust puked up my retainher.
Sponge bath it is.
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
