yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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