the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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