i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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