He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
