You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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