Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Randomize
