my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
