So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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