giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
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