apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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