is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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