I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
