Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
The ass gains better be worth it
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