The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Randomize
