He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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