was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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