I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Every concussion has its silver lining
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
