p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize