Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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