Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
