Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
