I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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