Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
