hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
