Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
