she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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