you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
