My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
