I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
