Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
